Favoritism in families is often dismissed as normal.
People may say, “Every parent has a child they relate to more,” or “That’s just how families are.” But in a family shaped by narcissistic patterns, favoritism can become more than preference. It can become a system of control.
One child may be praised, protected, or idealized. Another may be blamed, criticized, or treated as the source of family problems. These roles are often known as the golden child and the scapegoat.
The golden child may appear to have the easier role. They may receive approval, attention, and privileges. But this role also comes with pressure. Their value may depend on performing well, making the family look good, or staying loyal to the person in power. Love may feel conditional, even when it looks like praise.
The scapegoat carries a different burden. They may be blamed for tension they did not create. Their reactions may be used as proof that they are the problem. If they speak up, they are “dramatic.” If they pull away, they are “ungrateful.” If they name the pattern, they may be accused of causing division.
This kind of favoritism does not only damage each individual child. It can also create tension in sibling relationships.
Instead of seeing each other clearly, siblings may be pushed into comparison, competition, resentment, or silence. The golden child may be rewarded for staying aligned with the family narrative. The scapegoat may be isolated for challenging it. Neither role creates true emotional safety.
What makes this especially painful is that the family may look normal from the outside. There may be family photos, celebrations, achievements, and polite conversations. But behind the image, one person may be carrying blame while another carries pressure to keep the image intact.
Healing begins when these roles are named without reducing people to them.
The golden child is not automatically the enemy. The scapegoat is not automatically the problem. Both may have been shaped by a system that assigned value based on usefulness, obedience, image, or control.
For the scapegoat, healing may mean no longer accepting blame that does not belong to them. For the golden child, healing may mean questioning the cost of approval. For siblings, healing may require honest conversations, boundaries, and a willingness to see beyond the roles they were handed.
Not every sibling relationship can be repaired. Sometimes the safest choice is distance.
But to heal as an individual, remember that you are more than whatever role you were made to play.
